I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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