U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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