"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
