I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm always down for nudity.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
