I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
