Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Too much gin, very little bucket
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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