i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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