Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
