she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
