Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
