For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize