Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
