WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
