Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
