so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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