I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
