i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Dignity is for republicans.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
