I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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