oh god the rape fog is back!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
