I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
