so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
