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I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
