i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
