I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize