I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
