so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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