so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
