yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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