i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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