Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize