Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
