So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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