There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
