i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
