Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
