Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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