my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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