I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
