This is not my ceiling
I just saw a hot homeless man
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
