thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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