i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
