your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You're completely useless in the revolution.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
