So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
