that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize