found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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