no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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