the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
