He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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