dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
