Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i already hear my dad disowning me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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