Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
