there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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