We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
