i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Randomize
