I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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