Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
