went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
