shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so let's talk penis.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
