Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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