Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
