my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
