No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize