Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
