i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
