Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
