the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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