Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
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