im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
