I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
