So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
