dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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